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WELCOME TO THE OPTIMO (ESPACIO) BULLETIN BOARD - ESTABLISHED 11:11:2000

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<  Echatio  ~  On the subject of PORN

Have you ever been the victim of a Porn Thief?

Yes  
42%
  [ 3 ]  42%
 
No  
57%
  [ 4 ]  57%
 

Total Votes : 7
stanley_kubrick
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 2:17 am Reply with quote
Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 650 Location: The Belgian Congo
Mingo was just mentioning about porn.I think i'm becoming desensitised to porn now that its readily available on the internet. In the old days a porn vid would be treated like your grandmother's ashes. You'd have it in a special place. Nobody was allowed to touch it and it only came out for special occasions. It was just about your most prized posession. It was better than money. You could trade it for favours, computer games, homework just about anything.

As a kid, I regarded porn thieves as the lowest of the low. A true subspecies of humanity. I would like to know if any of you have ever been the victim of a porn thief.
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Ms. Mingo-go
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 8:39 am Reply with quote
Satan's Little Helper Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 884 Location: Hell
My video copy of Behind the Green Door vanished, and once when I was out of my head, I loaned a DVD to a new pal, and although I see him from time to time and he says he'll give it back, he still hasn't returned it!

I have an entire living room full of music, but people steal my porn! Great....

I also had someone steal my pipe and stash box. As I rarely smoke pot, and do not mix it with tobacco, this is also really rather fucking shite too.

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graham le canadien
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 11:16 am Reply with quote
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 344 Location: the 'shire, ayrshire
i had a watch of your "trapped in the closet" (r kelly is fucking hilarious, i'd never seen but only heard of this) and took a dvd out of your player and that may have been the one you're talking about, i may have not put it back in, i can't remember.

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barry
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 11:45 am Reply with quote
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 547 Location: hitchhiking on the expressway to yr skull
As a kid I remember one of my mates finding his old man's porn stash under the bath. That night I got home and decided to have a look under our own bath just in case..........................and low and behold there was an old copy of Escort. It was akin to finding Aztec gold. Seriously, I wouldn't have been any happier if I'd found the holy grail next to that old bottle of Domestos.

Thankfully I've never been victim of porn theft. The only thing my mates have nicked from me are CD's/books which were unreturned rather than properly nicked. And lighters, of course. But then lighters are the one thing it's acceptable to steal from your friends.

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Ms. Mingo-go
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 4:48 pm Reply with quote
Satan's Little Helper Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 884 Location: Hell
hey, g...if you havent' seen Behind the Green Door, you really should. It's like an art film. I only recently watched it again! Just don't fucking steal it. I had to go and buy it on DVD cos of the thief!

I'll lend it to you or you can just watch it at mine next time yr over.

Trapped in the Closet is great. (and it's not porn).

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graham le canadien
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 5:17 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 344 Location: the 'shire, ayrshire
yeah, trapped in the closet in hilarious! i couldn't believe my eyes, i mean, r kelly has to be crazy.... what was he thinking??! i think he's serious, but i just comes across as insane!

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in a KARASS it doesn't matter how you look when you dance
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Davie
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 5:41 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 415 Location: Glasvegas....at last !
My name is davie and im a porn thief.

When i was 14 I was staying over at a mates house. there was three of us and one of my mates decided to rummage around the parental bedroom ( i was unaware of this at the time)
he came back in to the sitting room with a video and and a large plastic green chilli pepper.

i stole the video.
It was shit

Nevertheless one year later after successfuly transporting it through a house move and my parents divorce it was stolen from me!

so i am also a victim of porn theft. And I have never looked at chilli peppers in the
same way.
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Ms. Mingo-go
Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 9:10 pm Reply with quote
Satan's Little Helper Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 884 Location: Hell
Well, now I know where my missing porn is going....

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stanley_kubrick
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 2:25 am Reply with quote
Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 650 Location: The Belgian Congo
I knew a guy in school who nicked his dad's porn vid that contained sex scenes of women with horses and even a guy shagging a chicken.

His dad didn't find out till 15 years later during a speech at his son's wedding given by a very drunken best man.

I have never heard anything so offensive in all my life. Utter comedy genius. I nearly needed an ambulance I was laughing so much. The face on his dad was priceless. He looked like he was going to get up and knock out the best man at one point.

The bride's family were not impressed either. It was a mixed race marriage and they were dead against it. Now they found out their beloved daughter was marrying into a family of deviants and perverts.

Anyway, the moral of the story is never nick porn. It comes back to haunt you.
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Granny Flab
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 4:11 am Reply with quote
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 38
stanley_kubrick wrote:
I knew a guy in school who nicked his dad's porn vid that contained sex scenes of women with horses and even a guy shagging a chicken.


Sounds like the mythical "Animal Farm"

Animal Farm
Supposedly a porn film featuring bestiality, but little more than an urban myth circulating endlessly amongst braindead chav schoolboys all over England since the 1980s.

"Seen that film Animal Farm, then, where a bloke fucks a chicken, like?"
"No I haven't you sad janner twat, it doesn't exist."



So, are you the new DDK Stanners?
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The Human Cannonball
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 7:29 am Reply with quote
Joined: 03 Apr 2007 Posts: 208 Location: Going home in a fucking ambulance
The supposed 'Animal Farm' movie was a collection of 4(?) bestiality flicks, cobbled together by some hairy-palmed weirdos in a bedsit in Brighton. Or something tlike that.

There was a TV documentary on a while ago about the mental woman that 'starred' in it, fucking pigs, etc. They reckoned there were a large number of different versions knocking about, but all based around different cut and shut jobs on the same few films.

So, it DOES exist, but not as an 'official' deviant flick. We're still waiting for the Hollywood remake.

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i_am_ed
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 2:10 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 12 Dec 2006 Posts: 54 Location: Shanghai
Granny Flab wrote:
stanley_kubrick wrote:
I knew a guy in school who nicked his dad's porn vid that contained sex scenes of women with horses and even a guy shagging a chicken.


Sounds like the mythical "Animal Farm"

Animal Farm
Supposedly a porn film featuring bestiality, but little more than an urban myth circulating endlessly amongst braindead chav schoolboys all over England since the 1980s.

"Seen that film Animal Farm, then, where a bloke fucks a chicken, like?"
"No I haven't you sad janner twat, it doesn't exist."



So, are you the new DDK Stanners?


That aint no urban myth. I have seen the offending article, summer 1994 it would have been.

There are several scenes with dogs, one with a horse, one with a pig and the infamous chicken scene.

For added erotic effect a naked woman holds the chicken while the guy fucks it, the chicken flaps about a bit, then dies.

Not recommended viewing, I can remember it vividly.
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stanley_kubrick
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 2:22 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 650 Location: The Belgian Congo
I swear hand on heart it exists. And its certainly not a myth. I think the title "Animal Farm" is just a generic term for all these types of films. If you went to the Sex Musem on the Damrak in Amsterdam in the early 90s you'd see theres a whole display devoted to this genre of porn.

And the way I_am_ed describes the chicken scene is just about right. Only I dont remember the chicken dying. It had lost a lot of tail feathers and it was hobbling about. It could even have been a different film. But this stuff DOES exist. And that best man speech DID go down like a dogshit on a golfcourse.
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stanley_kubrick
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 2:37 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 650 Location: The Belgian Congo
And likewise, I think it was round about the summer of 1994 I saw it too, or maybe 1993 so it must have been doing the rounds in Glasgow.

Anyway heres Wikipedia's article on it. Its true i tell you! And dont ask me for a copy as I dont have one!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_Farm_%28video%29
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Einsturzende Neilbauten
Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 3:10 pm Reply with quote
Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 270 Location: Mount Florida
The one I saw was called 'Animal Love Farm', and had- amongst other sexy inter-species adventures- a woman sucking a horse's cock, the guy fucking the chicken to death and two ladies going to the fish shop, buying eels, going home and putting the eels up each other's fannies.

I remember the women in it being quite attractive. Although not necessarily girlfriend material.
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